I was driving home tonight and there was some crappy Ibiza chill out acid jazz v. 8 sort of music playing, and it was so peaceful. I imagined myself in a nice hotel’s lobby, sitting in a chair looking out over the ocean, drink in hand and slightly stoned. Then it hit me: I haven’t had a vacation since the Summer of 2006. It’s really been 6.5 years since I last had a vacation, and there’s not an upcoming vacation in sight: I owe too many people too much money from my period of extended unemployment. At my current salary I won’t be ready for a vacation for at least 3 years.
Then I started considering how to relax without a vacation. When was the last time I was relaxed? It was in 2012, when the masseuse down the hall from my last job gave me a free massage because a client didn’t show up. It was supposed to last 15 minutes but it went on for an hour because we liked talking to each other so much. Since then? Nothing. Before then? Nothing since I graduated in 2005. ugh
Therefore I need to find a way to relax that isn’t expensive and difficult (or illegal). I’ve been not-anxious, obviously, otherwise I’d be a basket case by now, but relaxation is more than not-anxious. It’s a positive, while anxiety is a negative. Maybe yoga or meditation? Regular trips to the masseuse? I don’t know. But as I’m sitting here with my stomach hurting from dinner, my head hurting from a tension headache, and my muscles aching from excessive sitting, I can’t help but imagine relaxation will help.